I had entered the dungeon, yet the blistering sun was not be escaped. Yet, my solace was quickly found as the mead and herbal medicine was being passed about.
Crowds of intoxicated white people were huddled about blasting ghetto trap hits and salsa classics. It had to be the largest display of faux cultural appropriation in the entire Western world. The people anchored themselves to various tents where Knights and Owls alike mingled.
At one point a delirious man approached me asking on repeat, “do you know Kelly,” and, “do yo where Kelly is?” I clearly could not answer the question, however, our attempts to search for Kelly turned into the delirious man fetching some mead for me.
I saw a gaggle of women peer pressure their friend into talking to some tall frat boy. However, the friend did not give into peer pressure.
I came across companions from the days of old, and we drank to our memories not yet lost. But soon the time came for us to make the warm trek to the gladiatorial arena where knight and owl would no longer be kin.
Before the kickoff, college students were puking on the arena floors, stairways, and sinks. Yet the vendors kept the mead flowing like the rivers of Babylon. People packed the stand like sardines inside a Hong Kong apartment.
When the festivities truly began the FAU Owls received the ball first, but they quickly bumbled forfeiting the ball to the UCF Knights. UCF had no issue with taking advantage of their good fortune earning a touchdown on the short subsequent drive. This was followed up by another failed FAU possession and UCF score.
It felt as if UCF had locked in their fate as victors, this felt especially true when FAU was lined up to punt facing fourth down with four yards to go. However, the punt was an act of deception, the ball was run much further than the four yards needed. FAU continued to trounce UCF upon the ground until they took a surprising 17 to 14 lead. Disappointment and despair had taken control of this arena which now felt like the dungeon before.
UCF was in a desperate position with less than two minutes on the clock ready to face a halftime in which they’d be trailing. However, UCF quarterback McKenzie Milton decided to release his inner Tom Brady leading UCF to a much needed touchdown drive. The score at the half was FAU 17 and UCF 21.
Keeping with the momentum the second half spelled the story of sheer dominance for UCF. McKenzie Milton was pulling his best Heisman impression finishing the game with 6 total touchdowns, 306 passing yards, and 81 rushing yards. The FAU defense became defenseless, the offense did not crumble but simply could not keep up with UCF’s offensive force.
The final score of the event was FAU 36 UCF 56.
FAU did not lose because of its rushing attack, the team dominated on the ground, Devin Singletary Jr. earned himself 131 ground yards and three touchdowns. Other FAU backs earned 84, 53, and 34 yards respectively. FAU lost for two simples reasons, lackluster defense and a quarterback with the decision making skills of a 19 year old mother of five. No matter how much trickery FAU and 4th down conversions FAU pulled off they simply could not keep up with the firepower.
FAU gave itself a tough schedule placing both Oklahoma and UCF on it. The program must have felt that they were ready to show they could compete with the big boys in the NCAA. However, all FAU proved is they are simply not ready to face quality programs, thankfully the Owls can return to their burrows now facing an entirely Conference USA schedule.
UCF had a sloppy performance, but even its sloppiest play still results in domination. However, without the arms and legs of McKenize Milton UCF might have lost this match up.
No matter, all that remains now of this battle now are a few bathroom casualties and angry janitors loathing their human condition.